procrastinated relationships...regret...why do we do it?

I will forewarn you now... this is not a peppy post...

Why do we put off calling? Writing that letter? Visiting, loving or encouraging that person(s)??? Why does it become a pattern of regret and unfixable shortcomings?

When I was 14, my grandmother(dads mom) died. She was the only granparent I ever knew. I visited her durring the summers that I spent in kansas with my dad. She was always reminding me to send her pictures of me and letters. She sent me a card for my birthday(january) with self addressed stamped envelopes and the reminder to once again send her a new pic since the last pic of me she got was when I was 8. I sent her the picture and letter the day before my dad called me to tell me she was dieing(end of november)... she never got it...

I had an aquantence who had kidney failure. It was known that he would die from it. I had not visited him in a long time, then one day I stopped by and asked if he would like for me to bring over a movie and just hang out. He seemed so pleased with the idea... he died 2 weeks later and I never made it over with that movie...

my step dads mom and dad became my only granparents after my grandma died. I was never very close with them. The last time I ever realy I mean REALY talked with his mom we were visiting her while I was pregnant with Gabby at the age of 15. She did not approve and I think she was fighting with my step dad about how they handled me in that situation. They made me keep her(I wouldnt have had it any other way) and I got no real punishment except the fact that now I was going to have a child! anyway, so not great terms you know? After that I got married and went my way, never keeping in touch. She went to my baby shower when I was pregnant with Jessica, but no personal conversation was had... it was all too casual, kinda save face sorta thing I guess. Then granpa died after a long stretch of alzhimers. I did not attend the funeral. I did not contact granma to offer my sympathy or anything.
Recently... over the last year, I have been thinking of her, wanting to mend that relationship, wanting to appologise for not trying to be closer. I wanted to let her know that I held no hard feelings against her at al, and that I wanted her to be a part of my family even if in a small way. I wanted my kids to know her as great grandma... I never did get in touch with her...
Today I got the news... she had a massive stroke on sunday, they cant do anything for her...

Why do I seem to repeat this pattern? Im always regretful, why havent I learned yet that we have NO control over how long we have??? How long we have to say Im sorry, how long we have to show our love, to react in the right way, how long we have to do that thing, or say I love you to that person? Stop puting it off!(note to self) Do it today! Right now!!!

later