well, Sarah is sick, but she seems a lot better today. Lilly stayed up off and on all night because she got something in her eye right before bed and I got a few naps through the night...feeling sluggish, but must snap to. There is lots to do before this evening...
Every year my church has a womens retreat in a beautiful part of the state...trees and hills everywhere... anyway. I went the first year and it was realy great...it helped me to get to know a few of the women as it was just a few months after I started going and it was a wonderful time to get closer to God and hear a few of the other womens life stories. I am looking forward to tonight for many reasons...
1: It has been a while since I realy focused on the Lord. I have been thinking a lot about my faith and what I believe. I have read a little in the Bible to test my beliefs mostly. I have just been struggling a lot with the people I share my faith with. I love them dearly and the ones I know well are such awesome people. I just speak in general, it seems that people with new age beliefs are better at the over all love commandments. I just find it odd that people who are not Christians are doing(what seems to be) a better job at being like Christ. I am speaking of myself as well...but through testing my beliefs I have determined that the basic Christain beliefs are still mine as well. Anyway..it will be good for me to be there as I realy feel I am at a point in my spiritual life that is in the midst of BIG change. My prayer is that I will come out of this phase more faithful, more fruitful, more loving, and more passionate.
2: last year I was not able to go and we had just merged with another church. It was realy neat having 2 bodies of believers unite into one like that, but now I still dont know so many people! It will be a wonderful opportunity to get to know a few ladies and for them to get to know me.
3: two words: pitch in... after evening activities we all eat snacks that most women bring...I am making spinach dip and bringing sesame tarragon crackers...mmmmmm....yummy!
4: its like a sleepover...it will be so much fun staying up half the night! Maybe ill find a lady that will let me french braid her hair! hehheheehhe!
5: a night away...I have had a lot of these lately and I am so grateful for them. up until this year since I was 15 my life has been all about the kids and it has been hard for me to realy find who I am outside of that. I didnt know who I was as a kid, then i had Gabby and decided my identity was a mother, but that will only last so long before my peice of mind demands to know a deeper me... then came Jess and a full time jjob...then just a year later I was prepering for sarah and had a new found faith to investigate a learn. then lilly came and it was like a wirlwind of everything...I even homeschooled Gabby for a year in there somewhere! not to mention the earlier half of those years were spent abusing drugs. I never realy had the chance to descover myself.
This year, I have revisited travel(something I havnt done a lot since I was a kid) and realised that I still love it and that I now love it more than ever. since feb i have been to florida twice, and missouri 3 times and we went up to indiana dunes on the northern tip if indiana and brookville which isnt far, but its somewhere I had never been. not to mention cincinnati like 10 times to go to kings island.
I have descovered my passion for music...I have always loved music, but love and passion are 2 different categories you know? I am so on fire and open to music of all kinds...I might have to go back to work full time just so ill have the money to go to any concert I want!
I have realised that I realy do care about the earth...I care about recycling, I care about the water...I havent realy facused any attention on the whole global warming thing because I feel like some people are blaming EVERYTHING for global warming...its not that I dont think it may be a legitimate issue, its jjust that there is so much for me to invest research time in for me to have done that yet. Im the kinda gal that will not stand by something because someone else is...I want to decide if I buy it before I endorse it ya know?
I have discovered the awesome reality of awesome people...humanity in general...I am awed at the creation in general...people are so detailed and intricate...how could I possibly believe its not all a result of perfect design? I believe we are also designed to evolve slightly though...its called adaptation and most speciese are capable of it... growing up, I was not given the example of love others etc... and then when I started going to church there was a lot of focus on the bad in people..you know... sinners...not that I dont think we are... its just so easy to be a sinner ...just being selfish is sinful... anyway...with the focus on the sins more than the beauty of creation...its realy hard for a person to see the human race as good...I have just started seeing us that way in the last couple of months. SURE we do bad things, SURE we hurt each other...but look at all the good we do/can do!!! superforest is a great place to help keep our focus on the good in people... I love it!(thank you superforest for making it so easy to see the good in this world)
I know I want my children to feel like they can be who they are, I want them to know that I am more concerned about there welfare than what they wear or if they color thier hair or poke excessive holes in thier boddies(gabby...this does not give you permission...it just means I wont criticise or punish you for expressing yourself in crazy ways). I want them to be free to make decisions while they are young so they can know how to do it when they are grown...
honestly...I could go on and on and on...but the point is...I am getting to know what i believe, who I am, what I know... the essence of me...the real me, not the person I have been acting like because I had no idea what I was like...
I love you all for who you are, for your contribution to YOUR little piece of Earth, for reading my blog(I feel like I am pretty real here and the fact that your reading is a confermation to me)...
have a super awesome wonderfuly good and beautiful day!
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