What to do when we don't know what to do?

Ever catch yourself irritated, and your like, why? Why do I feel this way? What is causing me to feel this way? What can I do to change this feeling? Well, on the surface, I was irritated because I stayed up too late and Lilly woke me up an hour before the alarm went of screaming about watching TV. Well, I personaly dont allow tv durring sleeping hours, especially if I get screamed at about it, so no sleep for me as Lilly was not happy to not get her way. I was not happy because I was not getting my way! I think my mind set was this... I am the adult, she is a child, if anyone is calling the shots, its me... Here is where I struggle as a parent. I have learned through much pain that when I treat the kids respectfully and as an equal not as someone lower than me, they are much more responsive to my correction and teaching. However, there are those times when they still choose to do what they want and I am struggling with knowing what to do with it. You see, I want them to feel free to be who they are, but I want to teach them that some things are not to be done... so how do I teach them whats wrong without making them feel like they cant be themselfs? Honestly if someone reading this has a good answer to this question, I would realy love to hear it....